Wow…..My first post….and its a long one! Lately I people have been disappointing me which is why I turned off my social media. There are a few reasons:

1. As all of you know I have a really extremely tight schedule, I always preplan my schedule a week ahead in order to hangout with my friends. In the past I have been patient about people changing their plans last minute on me. Now, I cannot take it anymore….it ruins my entire day since I have nothing to do anymore. Instead I go home and watch movies until two in the morning. In addition, it is a hassle to find a Plan B since I get off at 11 PM on the weekdays and 6PM on the weekends.

2. One day there was an incident to a friend of mine who I never seen them this bad before. That night I decided to give this person an intervention…. We decided to do it on a Thursday….fortunately that person got sick. I understood that the person was sick, so we decided to do it another day which was Monday December 26th. On Christmas Eve, I decided to buy the family some presents. Later that day I delivered the presents to them. When I got to my friends place, I asked them if were still going out on Monday and they said yes! I was sooo anxious on Monday to talk about my current condition in my life and their problem. Monday came in and I was about to text the person but they just texted me saying “Rain check. I don’t think I can make it back in time” This line completely shattered my entire day. Theres no way that they just did to me when I am suppose to be helping a them. At this point I was done. I was about to give up on who I am. 

Those two reasons gave me soooo much anger in me……This “anger” has been killing me slowly causing sooo much stress that there is literally grey hair all over me! Haha! In addition, I have been mentally tired for the past month. At this point I do not know what to do anymore….

I told a close friend today about my problem throughout the week and my friend decided to come and visit me at work. Five minutes into the conversation, I broke down completely in anger and hopelessness. Not knowing what to do now since I felt sooo useless. I guess we talked for an hour??? Hahaha. I am truly thankful for my a friend who listened to me when I was at my darkest time. At the end, I realized a bit of myself and I need to do some changes of who I am.

I realize that I care for others way too much! People may not know or not, or may like it or not, but I care my friends and family!!! Caring for them sooo much that I am not taking care of myself! I have always been the Mr. Nice Guy paying for people, giving money for those who need it, randomly buying unnecessary things for people, and helping those who are in any bad situation! No matter what I do I am Mr. Nice Guy who is quiet and always listen to you! I never wanted anything in return from my friends. Ive always tried to reject the gifts my friends give to me. Since I have been toooo nice, I do not know who are either using me or appreciate to have me in their life. Another thought is I thinking I am tired of being labeled as the Pochi man, the photographer, or the B-Boy. Its nice to be labeled but just to the labeled as that and not knowing the person personally it is not friendship. That gap will always be an acquaintance. It does not matter how long you know the person, without moving forward and taking the time to know the person the path you two will have is nothing more or less as meeting the person for the first time. These next sentences may sound selfish to you but to me I need the truth. Without labeling me, I want to know who I am to my friends. What makes it so unique or special that you guys continue to talk to me? I guess, the first thing to do is to find out who are my true friends again. 

I need to seclude everyone from me for awhile. There is soooo much chaos in myself that I need to find out how to get rid of it. Since I am not using social media, this will be easier to me to relearn my religion (Buddhism). I lost my path on Buddhism for awhile now. In honesty my religion helped me find my core values. These values made me help anybody who is in need for it! It does not matter if I just met you or know you for years, either you hate me or love me, I always try my best to get my friends safe or in a better state. Ever since I stopped thinking my religion, I feel like I lost some of my values. I need to find answers on how to get rid of my anger and learn to be happy again. I believe reading philosophies from the Dalai Lama will get me back on my feet! Being secluded from the ones I care will hurt me the most, since they are constantly on my mind! But I really need to be myself and care for myself for awhile and find other ways for me to live!

I really need to do this…I need my health back…My happiness back…My source of living back….Until then, be patient my friends, I will be back on the social media once I really know who I am! There will be those who will like the change and those who will not…those will be your opinions but these decisions I will make will alter my future! 

Goodbye for now my friends, continue to read my posts as I try to find my inner self for the next month or two as my quest for my new life starts today! 

P.S. I will not comment on anything until I am who “I am”!